Just had to let it out.

Holding this in for a while now.
Hi guys. My absence is due to my grandma's death. Now, what I'm about to type out is just a "stress relief" post. Family issues...If you don't want to read, just stop here. But if you still want to read, regardless of my rants and feelings, thank you. I love you guys! Okay, I'm going to start by spilling out what I'm thinking at the moment. Right now its more of irritation then being sad. I'm going to start from Weds, April 7th, 2010. So, I went to work Monday & Tuesday. Got a call that grandma was very ill Weds morning. I had no choice but to call in work. Also, my inter. was the same exact day. Why? I don't know. It just came out that way... *sighs. That day, I went in and grandma was telling me to read something off a "doctor's note." & I did. Then she smiled. The next day, I came by again... this time...shes much worse. She was completely paralyzed, sight was blurry, & couldn't talk. My gosh... I was so heartbroken. I couldn't say goodbye to her in a way she could respond to me. I felt the pain for my aunts and of course S. *Sighs. Oh yeah, What I was told was that, the hospital she was in wasn't treating her right. She treated her as if she was an object. But when an Asian nurse came, she treated her well. Then the Asian nurse had to go, and some (I really don't want to say this...) "other" nurse came, and was acting as if she was racist. So grandma demanded to go back to her home and die there instead. That evening, the oxy tank came and there she was lying in the living room (in her home) on the hospital bed with a tank next to her. You could imagine how everyone felt. Thursday, I thought I could go back into work... UNTIL...*Sighs! I had to call off for Thursday & Friday. Why? Because at exactly 2PM when nobody was looking, grandma fell asleep forever. I was told that when someone dies, they don't want anyone looking at them when they past away. So I guess, first I left at around 1:40PM with S to drop off a letter off at his work and to drop me off at work... We ended up getting a call to go back to grandmas right away. Right then, we knew that she was gone. Also, she pasted away on her birthday at the exact same time she was born except it was AM. *Sighs. People think that she was waiting for everyone to turn around and talk to family members then she would go... I love grandma soooo much. She has helped soooo much. The whole family loves her a lot. S promised her that he would become a monk once she day had come, so right now... S requested 2 weeks off in order to do what he promised to grandma, which was to become a monk for how ever many days it takes to keep grandma happy. I'm having this feeling again. This is the second time that I've been through this. The first with my father, now with my only grandma. I never met my grandmas in Vietnam nor Cambodia. This was the only grandma I met and whom I loved sooo much. She raised S so well, and raised J & J as well. M is struggling but it takes time to heal... I was also told that right now grandma thinks shes alive...but after seven days she will realize that she has pasted away... *Sigh. I'm sure at this moment, nobody will ever forget her. She was the sweetest grandma, mom, grandmother to us. So, thats why I've been missing a lot. Her Christian ceromony is tomorrow at a church, then a Buddhist ceremony at a temple on Sunday. S will be presented but nobody can call him by his name because he was a monk. (did it for grandma) Yes, she was a believer. Shes the one that made me believe in all kinds of things that I never once did before. Its hard but sometimes you got to let go of the one of you love for awhile because when they are back you will realize how much love you had for them. The other thing is that, we have a choice of moving to Maryland or staying in Minnesota. I love Minnesota a lot, its where I was raised... but I think its time that S & his family move on to where they can get a lot of support. I love you grandma. Everything you see, we did it for you. Especially your real family members. ♥

T tells me to think us to think of it this way:
Grandma is happy where she is. No pain, stress, drama, hate, etc to worry about. Were the ones that will be in pain because the living will always live a life full of hate and stress. T says that the one that are suffering are the living. So now that grandma will be resting peacefully, she won't have to worry about a thing. *sighs.

Once everything has healed... it will go back to normal.
Thanks everyone for the love and support.
If you really read all of this, thank you. I appreciate it a lot.
& the e-mails that help me reminisce the past...thanks for that.

I'm sorry this had to be a sad post. Forgive me?

Love,
Katie Ngo